There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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