There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
