I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
