he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
