did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
