I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
