Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize