you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
