there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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