Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize