All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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