So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
