just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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