Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
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