I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
