your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
