Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I am one with the molecules
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
