i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
