Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
