well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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