i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
