I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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