I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
