I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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