Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
