I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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