I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
