you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
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