I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
