Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I lost the right to judge tonight
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize