I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
