that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
