im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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