yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
