dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
