he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
