guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Randomize