My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
It's rum buckets o'clock
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize