He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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