I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
