Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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