you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
i now understand why vodka
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
