ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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