I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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