Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Randomize
