so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
