sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
