I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Holy shit dude........stairs
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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