had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
