she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
