When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
