Where is the hickey?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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