It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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