I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
50% drunk capacity currently
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
