Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Randomize
