Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
