just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
