just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
