My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
