Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
