HIV tests are more positive than that guy
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
