i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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