I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
