Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
