We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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