its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
