We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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